T.E.A.C.H.

I found this acronym today on a parenting site that I refer to now and then (http://greatparentingshow.com/live.html). 

I've been thinking about this a lot recently . . . but, even after four children . . . I have never felt like I am in any position to exude advice or wisdom on parenting.  I constantly feel as if I am a student of the school of parenting . . . always in the receiving/learning/experiencing phase . . . and not in the role of teacher or leader.  It's not that I feel like I am doing a terrible job . . . but, I would never say that I have it down (would any parent?? if so - I'd love to talk to them).

But, I do seriously admire the many women that share their lives through blogs and articles that have an air of confident calm.  Oh how I would love if people used those words to describe me!

T - Take a minute (breathe and observe).
E - Engage and empathize.
A - Acknowledge the feelings and needs.
C - Connect and problem solve.
H - How does it feel? How do I feel? How do you feel?

I will never forget a NY taxi driver that told me that the major influence a parent has on their child is in the first five years.  *gulp*  He was kind of a brilliant taxi driver, by the way . . . the stories that drivers must hear and the wisdom they must gain.  That's a separate story.  But, I don't miss opportunities to learn from taxi drivers (unlike my hard and fast rule that I never talk to people on planes. Ever.).

In a second, my two babies have grown from this:

to these big kids:

with a couple more added in who aren't that small anymore either:

 

 

 

If only these kids understood how hard we try to be the best we can for them.  But, I don't think you can ever understand that phenomenon until you have kids of your own.  And, then you can't UN-know what you know . . . your kids are your everything, punishments really might hurt the parents more than the kids, life really isn't fair, you can't and SHOULDN'T have everything you want, and yes . . . you have to share, be kind, and learn to handle authority well . . . and you are actually in control of your own happiness.

 

We don't exactly know what we are doing.  But, we are hopefully getting an A for effort . . . which, sadly, in the world of parenting, may not mean much.

 

We are learning, too, little ones.  And, we love you.

 

Precious Memories

For the longest time, whenever we said something to Gage, we would usually end it by saying, "okay?"  And, he would always say, "Kkkkk."

And, ever time I read Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site, he would end every page by saying, "Niiiiiiight."

It was heart melting.  Ooey gooey puddles of sweetness.

And, then one day we noticed that he stopped saying, "Kkkkk" and "Niiiiiight."  Just like that.  Our little man had moved on from the phase he was in to the next phase.  And, he left a little behind of being a twenty month old . . . and came a few steps closer to being a 2-year-old.

And, those little moments become memories that might surface one day when we pick up the right book, smell the right smell, see the right pajamas.

But, I always fear that these sweet experiences might not make it to the shelf in my memory that holds the most precious treasures.

Like when Gavin called his beloved macaroni and cheese, mac aerial.  And, hamburgers, hangabers.

Garrett can't stop sticking his tongue out.  It hangs out of his mouth all the time, licking his lips and smiling.  He loves sleeping on his side and feeling a blanket right up against his face - just like his big brother.

Gage lays down in bed every night and pulls his silky blanket right over his face - wrapped up like a little cocoon.

Autumn must have ice in her water every night.  Often she doesn't even touch it.  But, it has to be there or she can't sleep.

Gavin, who left his bears behind more than a year ago, has reattached himself to one particular bear that he calls Buddy.  And, he can absolutely tell the difference between the bears he has . . .

Oh these babies . . . they hold my heart.

Back to School 2012

Having a maternity leave that coincided almost exactly with summer break was amazing.  I knew both our summer and mat leave would seemingly fly by.  The first six weeks or more after a c-section is more sitting and cuddling and aching than relaxing and fully enjoying.  But, I wouldn't trade time with my husband and babies for anything.

So, before I knew it . . . it was time for school to begin again.  And, time for Gavin to officially start school.  Having Gavin in preschool in Canada and last year here definitely eased the transition a bit.  But, there's just something about that bus that gets to a mom.  The bus seems so big and suddenly our baby seems so small.

Autumn started school almost two weeks before the kindergartners.  You don't know how many times I have said something or referenced Autumn being in 1st grade rather than 2nd over the last month.  Obviously this mom is in denial that her little girl is growing up!  2nd grade already.  I remember my second grade year in Mrs. Smith's class.  I love school and still do.  I honestly remember 2nd grade being my least favorite year of elementary school.

Autumn has a really amazing, positive and happy teacher, Mrs. Hansen.  Autumn really loves her and so do we.  So, I'm really hopeful that Autumn is going to have an amazing experience this year.

And, then it was time for our little guy to become a kindergartner.  He has the two boys from the neighborhood in his class and Kyler Hicken, his best little friend.  So, we are thrilled that he is surrounded by good boys that can help him - but, also that treat him just like all the other kids.

Jeff and I let Gavin ride the bus - and then met him at school to take some pictures and walk with him to his classroom.  As soon as we got to the gym, Gavin left us behind and was happy to run over and play with the other kids.  Of course he was sitting beside Kyler and being as silly as ever.  On Gavin's left is Bentley - and directly behind Bentley is Koler - both boys in the neighborhood and in Gavin's primary class at church.

Kyler and Gavin love to make everyone laugh.  The video of these two kids is even funnier.  I'll upload that soon.

Gavin had no problem powering down the hall to his classroom.  They literally walk from one end of the building to the other.  The only thing that slowed him down was a too-big backpack sliding off his shoulders over and over.  I quickly remedied the situation with a new Spiderman backpack and sternum clip combination the next day.  Since then, he hasn't slowed down. 

Since the chin-splitting incident, we have been super conscious of water complications.  When it rains, we send him to school with his walker.  We don't want to take any chances of any other falls.  This winter, we are going to have to send a walker daily.

Gavin also has such a cute and happy teacher, Mrs. Stanley.  She has been so positive and encouraging and happy to work with.  I feel very lucky to have her.  And, she treats us like normal people (hard to explain - but, I've only felt really comfortable with a few of Autumn's teachers so far).  Mrs. Stanley is great for Gavin.

We celebrated the first day of school with our traditional Jell-o jiggler letters.  Grandma and Grandpa Peterson were in town helping us put an entire irrigation system in the backyard and plant grass.   So, rather than the full letter display, Autumn and Gavin cut out their initials . . . and then everyone dug in.

Two kids in elementary school already - and two more to go.  It goes by quickly.

And, I won't linger too long on the subject . . . but, man . . . I felt like I had another full-time job coordinating everything that Gavin would need to be a successful kindergartner.  Gavin has had no problems at all fitting right in and doing it happily.  It's all the behind-the-scenes stuff, that I really don't want him even thinking about, that was so complicating.  I spent hours and hours at school in meetings, IEP groups, 504 coordination, meeting the aides, training the aides, educating the nurse and more.  Not to mention, we've both spent hours coordinating with the bus transportation staff for what ended up being a slightly sub-par solution (Gavin's afternoon bus doesn't drop him off at our door.  So, Jeff has to meet him at the corner.  Imagine that with two babies, nap schedules, and eventually snow.)

In our first large school meeting (including the principal, new teacher, aides, resource leads, district personnel and more), I started by walking through a presentation with pictures on Gavin  and Spina Bifida, including his progression and special needs.  A few days later, the special education lead, Lauren, told me how impressed they all were to see the presentation I had prepared.  She said that you'd be surprised at how little so many parents are involved.  It was very encouraging for me to hear.  I had debated whether or not to give the presentation and then had slightly rushed through it.  Lauren has been an amazing ally.  I really appreciate having such supportive people around to lean on.

Yes, we are Gavin's best advocates. And, no, it's not easy.  But, he's worth it.

A new baby . . . three days away

I'm having a baby in three days.  It's strange for me to even know the birth date ahead of time.  I guess, in reality, we knew Autumn's (since she was induced) and Gage's (since he was a c-section).  But, both of those situations were fairly last minute decisions.  This date, however, has been scheduled for more than a month!

Yet, days away, I still find it absolutely amazing that we're about to have another baby.  Gage is still so little.  Still my baby.  Although, just this week, he has felt a little heavier and looked a little bigger.  But, he's still my little baby.

Little Gage isn't going to know what to do with a new distraction in the house.

Autumn feels like she's surrounded my brothers . . . or "bothers" as she has just said recently starting saying (not sure where she heard that little gem).

Gavin was concerned that Jeff wouldn't be able to ride four-wheelers with him.  Once we confirmed that we would still have family walks . . . and that I would be happy to keep the babies at home while he and Daddy went for special rides together . . . Gavin was once again okay that another baby was joining the family.

I've said it so many times before . . . but, I do feel like the last year has just flown by.  I remember comforting everyone at work and emphasizing that I had MONTHS before anyone had to worry about me being out on maternity leave.  And, yet . . . here I am . . . days away.

Jeff and I had many long, serious discussions contemplating whether or not we should attempt to add a third baby to our family.  Although we had agreed from the beginning that we would like to have three or four children, so much changed when Gavin was born.

And, then . . . once we were committed to the notion that having another baby was the best thing for Gavin and our family . . . Gage took a couple of years to make his way to us.

So, imagine our surprise when we were blessed with another little angel so quickly.

And, yet . . . despite thinking the entire time that Gage would be my last pregnancy . . . this time things are much more final feeling.  And, my emotions are much more intense than they were before my delivery with Gage.

I can't imagine not feeling a little human tossing and turning in my belly.  Or having hiccups.  Or moving a foot under a rib.  It's the most wondrous and amazing experience that I could ever describe.  It's one that I wish I could share with Jeff.  Despite all of the pain that comes with bearing children, I would rather keep it all than have to give up the magical feeling of a baby inside.

And, now it really feels final.  I have three more days to experience the wonder of carrying a baby.  And, I'm sad.

I'll also admit . . . I'm really scared.  I'm scared because I know the pain of recovery from a c-section.  I know how uncomfortable I was in the hospital.  And, how I could barely breathe hard or deep enough to lift the little ball in the tool that the respiratory specialists used to help me recover.  I remember shaking uncontrollably.  I wish I didn't remember all of those things.  Recovery was just so much easier with both Autumn and Gavin.

But, there's also the emotional aspects of delivery.  Things progressed very smoothly with Autumn.  We were able to fully enjoy the first days of becoming new parents together in that little room.  I took countless pictures of Jeff holding our little girl . . . and thinking that I couldn't love any two people more.

And, then . . . Gavin's birth was the extreme opposite.  Nothing felt right about the entire day . . . and all of our concerns and fears were more than confirmed during delivery.  It was a day of chaos that I would never want to repeat.

My pregnancy with Gage was riddled with concerns and little potential problems that the doctors "just wanted to follow up on."  So, even though there was the traumatic call that he must be delivered via c-section, we were thrilled to hear his tiny cry when he was born.  And, then devastated moments later when we realized that the nurses couldn't find a heartbeat.  I will never forget looking over at the warmer, and two tiny blueish feet, as the nurse shook her head 'no' to her assistant as she tried to find a heartbeat.  Those next minutes were torturous.

So . . . here I am . . . emotional about this being our last baby . . . days away from a delivery and recovery that is just downright painful . . . and sick with worry.

Despite his positive and comforting nature, my doctor even knows now not to tell me how unlikely it is that something will go wrong.  Because, in my case . . . I tend to defy the odds.

Yet, this little man has been a smooth pregnancy.  I believe that he was sent to us for a reason.  My doctor even said that this little baby was meant to be - considering all the factors.

So, I'm feeling overwhelmed . . . with gratitude and excitement, fear and concern.  But, I'm looking forward to that moment when they place this little angel in my arms for the first time.  And, I can look into his eyes and meet the little man that's been kicking and poking me for months.  When I can look at him and see my husband in his features.  When I can see Jeff holding him . . . and think that I couldn't love any five people more.

Birthday Season 2012

Peterson Birthday Season 2012 started earlier this year than in year's past because of our sweet new addition.  Gage's birthday on January 19th kicks off the season.  We were in our house less than a couple of weeks when we celebrated Gage's big first birthday!  During birthday season, we take one set of decorations down to put another set up.  And, in the middle, we celebrate Valentine's Day, too!  I learned a few years ago to switch to cupcakes.  We used to throw one cake away just to cook another one!

Gage's First Birthday - January 19th

Gage was a very willing participant in the festivities.  We are pretty sure one of his very favorite parts of the party was the streamers hanging from the ceiling fan.  Autumn and Gavin took turns turning the fan on and off.  It never lost its fascination with any of them!

The past year absolutely flew by.  It's been just over a year since we've been back from Canada - which seems like a million years ago.  In the past year, we've bought land, built a house, and moved again.  And, during it all, we have been able to enjoy this little bundle of joy.  And, those words are absolutely true for Gage.  His smile and mischievous little laugh lights a room.  He is laid-back and cuddly.  I am completely in love with this little man and am so glad that we were blessed with this angel.

Autumn and Gavin both had to be coaxed into eating their birthday cakes on their first birthdays.  Gage didn't hesitate even for a second!  He instinctively knew exactly what to do.  Clearly this little one takes after his mommy and her sweet tooth.

He licked every last bite.  Gage has always cracked us up with the way he smacks his lips when he eats. Jeff and I have a HUGE pet peeve about kids (or anyone) that eat with their mouth open.  But, one-year-olds get a free pass.

Gage ate every last crumb.

Autumn wrapped a present just for Gage.   She found one of her books that she knew he would like and included school photos of her and Gavin for the little man.

Grandma and Grandpa Peterson gave Gage a wooden toy that has proven to be extremely popular with all of the kids.  Hammering is a favorite around here.

And, like all the kids ... Gage is always willing to go for a quick spin in Gavin's wheelchair!

Autumn's 7th Birthday - February 2nd 

We made flower cupcakes for Autumn's class at school.  I was able to take the cupcakes in and read a few books to her class.  She loves it when we come in to her classroom.

We celebrated at home on Autumn's birthday on Thursday night.  Surprisingly, Autumn asked to go out to eat for the occasion.  So, we enjoyed our favorite Mexican dinner at Tarahumara in Midway.  And, then came home to open presents!

Since Santa brought a few of her friends American Girl dolls for Christmas, Autumn added a doll to her wish list for her birthday.  We searched around and opted to buy her a 'journeygirls' doll (honestly, less than 1/3 of the American Girl doll price - and much prettier, in my opinion).  She was absolutely thrilled.  Autumn dressed and undressed her for the first few days and carried her around.  And, she has comfortably rested in Autumn's room, tucked in gently with a blanket, since February 4th.  Oh thank goodness we didn't buy the American Girl doll!

On Saturday, we hosted a cooking birthday party for Autumn.  Twelve little girls arrived and decorated aprons and chef hats for the event.  [Mental note . . . puff paint, used in the way that these little girls use it (heavy, thick, globs of color) will never, ever dry.]  They all loved being crafty.  And, it was really fun to see their creativity and designs. 

We played a 'guess that food smell' game.  I stumped them all with soy sauce.

We played the cupcake game - where you throw a ball into a cupcake tin and have to do the activity on the card to earn the points.  Silly girls.

Autumn, of course, opened presents . . . and was thrilled at every sugary treat she opened!

And, after making 'salad on a stick' and individual pizzas (I gave them each a ball of dough and lots of toppings), each girl decorated two cupcakes.

And, after everyone went home, Jeff took the kids to the Midway ice skating rink while I stayed with a napping Gage.

Gavin really endured extremely well in the cold weather.  He is a huge hockey fan . . . and loves to watch the Colorado Avalanche on TV whenever he can.  So, sledge hockey is right up his alley.

I sure do love my little girl.  I can't believe she's seven already.  I can't believe what an amazing help she is to our family - and how she is always willing to help out with Gavin and Gage.  She has a lot of responsibility as an older sister in this family.  And, she never ceases to amaze us with her thoughtfulness for her little brothers.

She is truly beautiful on the inside and out.

Jeff's 35th Birthday - February 25th

For Jeff's big birthday celebration, we invited the 'old gang' up to the house for dinner, cake and ice cream.  Jeff has been lucky to have the same best friends for way more than a decade now.  Sickness kept the Engles away.  But, Jory, Johnny, and Wendy - and their families - all made the trek to Heber despite the stormy weather forecast.  Scott and Krissie are the latest additions to the 'old gang' and also came to celebrate!

It was a really fun night of catching up, eating and relaxing.  It is really amazing to think about how much has changed over the years with this same group.

We had seven little ones running around.  Three of us are pregnant.

Jeff's birthday has traditionally been a time when we all come together.  We've crammed in apartments, rental homes, and had surprise parties.  Sadly, our former hangout, Fuddrucker's, closed down this past year. But, the memories go on. 

I absolutely adore this man.  He is everything that I dreamed of in a husband and even more.  How many people can say that?  I feel like the luckiest girl.  I am so happy that he picked me.

Gavin's 5th Birthday - March 1st

More to come . . .

A little of this and that . . .

It's amazing what you find when you download photos from a not-often-used camera.

Gavin had his own 'first day of school' celebration this year (September 2011) complete with Jello jigglers to celebrate his first day of preschool.  He was definitely excited.

Later in September, Autumn participated in a little cheerleader camp.  She performed during the halftime show at the high school football game.  She practiced every day and loved showing off her moves.

The night of the game was rainy and wet.  I love how she was one of the only girls that modified the dance so that she didn't have to lay on the cold, wet ground.  And, even when she gets knocked over . . . she immediately wipes her hand off.  But, she also has a nice high kick at the end.  The rain didn't dampen her spirits!

And, last but not least . . . this cute picture doesn't need much commentary.  What's not to love about that crinkly smiley face.

We Love Valentine's Day!

We do love Valentine's Day around our house.  We start after Autumn's birthday with our 'Heart Attack' tradition.  We fill a bowl on the kitchen table with little paper hearts and encourage everyone to write what they love about each other each night after dinner and then stick them on the window.  

Gavin's hearts inevitably came back to loving us because of something to do with his four-wheeler - having it or riding it together.  Autumn said one of the reasons she loved me is because I have a big, round belly like Santa Claus.  It's just what I want to hear! (*wink wink*).  We all confirmed that we love Gage for his cuddles and laugh.

On Valentine's Day we have a scavenger hunt.  Somehow this is one of the holiday traditions that has really stuck with the kids.  They remember it each year, which makes me so happy.  On their fourteenth clue, they find their surprise.

We found these cute, cuddly bears a few weeks ago . . . and couldn't wait to give them to the kids.  We have been working with them a lot (especially Autumn) on being grateful.  Because, I'll admit . . . last year's scavenger hunt ended a little rough.  She was not satisfied with her 2010 surprise.  And, we were very unhappy with her response.  Needless to say . . . the bears were an enormous hit and she gave immediate hugs to Jeff and I, along with a sincere 'thank you.'  

Gavin immediately named his bear 'Brownie' (after confirming that that was indeed a boy name) and, so far, Autumn's pink bear has been named 'Cuddles', 'Cutie' and 'Hugs.'

 This year's Valentine's dinner consisted of eggs and pink pancakes and then chocolate fondue.

And, of course . . . my sweet husband surprised me with flowers from the kids - plus drove an hour each way to pick up a present that I'd been wanting for months.

After Jeff and I put the kids to bed, we had our own stay-at-home Valentine's date.  I'll keep those details to myself.   :)

We definitely have a lot of love at our house.

I.LOVE.SNOW!!

It finally, finally snowed in Heber enough to let the kids break out their power toys in the yard.  At this point, I know most everyone else is hoping to make it through a whole winter without snow.  

Maybe it's because I'm from Virginia . . . but, I never tire of the snow.  Plus, I feel like cold weather warrants snow.  It's kind of pointless without it (although I don't mind hot chocolate with or without its snowy companion).

And, I was lucky enough to find a man that shares my fascination for winter.  We joke that we will be the opposite of all the traditional Snow Birds.  When we retire, we will tuck ourselves away in a snowy cabin all winter and then fly to another cold location during the hot, dry months of Utah summer.  Just as I feel that cold weather needs snow . . . in my book, hot weather needs water . . . preferably ocean water.  

Apparently our children have all inherited our love of snow . . . including little Gage.

These short little videos show the progression of the morning.  The last one is obviously my favorite.

First:

I walked outside to film Autumn dragging Jeff and Gavin behind her snowmobile on a sled.  Since I left the door cracked, Gage snuck out as he usually does when he sees an opportunity to escape.  I love how he points to the rest of the family riding around.

Then:

Gage was so excited that I quickly bundled him up

 in snow gear and passed him off to Jeff so that he could get a little taste of the winter fun.  Autumn and Gage rode in the sled behind the four-wheeler.  Gavin is on the back seat.

And finally:

Jeff only kept Gage out for a few minutes, fearing he'd get too cold.  So, I brought him in, unbundled him, hung up his snowsuit and came back to this . . . a poor little left out baby.  Man, I love this kid.

We're Home

Finally . . .
 
I can't tell you how happy I am to be in our new home.  Honestly, it probably has less to do with being in this house and more to do with our family being together again.  Jeff was gone all the time working on the house.  Every day was hectic between babysitters and double shifts for Jeff and a lack of consistency in our schedule that was maddening for me. 
Don't get me wrong.  I love the house.  I love knowing we are finally home.  I don't care that we have boxes and bags everywhere to unload.  We are HOME.  And, we don't have to move again . . . maybe ever!  But, I have just reconfirmed to myself that I am one of those people that cherish time with my husband and my family.  I need a daily dose of Jeff.  Not a passing-in-the-night kind of romance.

As I type, Jeff is running around at 11:15pm working on various house projects with power tools.  But, he is HERE with me and our sweet sleeping babies. 

Ahhhhhhh . . .

Lots has been happening.  And, I put all sorts of pressure on myself not to update the blog until I have pictures ready or posts ready to launch in order.  But, I'm kind of crazy.  So, I'm trying to ignore myself and just live in the moment.

I will post pictures of the house.  I will most definitely share all the details of our sweet Baby G's first birthday.  In the meantime, here are a few random updates:

Gage has been deemed 'The Inspector.'  Man, he is an amazing eater.  He was insistent about feeding himself months and months ago.  I haven't found anything he doesn't like - if he can pick it up himself.  But, when we introduce that first bite of anything to him . . . you should see the way he tilts his head back and almost crosses his eyes to get a good solid look at the foreign food object before he puts it in his mouth.  Happens every time.  Hilarious.

Gavin is still fascinated with all of his super hero costumes that Santa brought him for Christmas.  He'd be happy to change clothes every 15 minutes sometimes.  He also wrote me a sweet little 'I miss you' card when I had to spend a night out of town for work.  Jeff said he was super pumped to give it to me.  It melted my heart.  Daddy is the obvious favorite around here for Gavin.  So, I love to feel loved.

Autumn is just a few days away from her 7th birthday (*sob*).  She is so much fun to hang out with and talk to at night.  I use her as my fashion consultant.  I think she's already surpassed my sense of style.  Although she'll be the first to let me know that she's not that interested in helping around the house ("No thanks, Mom") - when she decides to do something on her own . . . it's amazing.  Autumn decided to clean her room and make her bed everyday when we moved in.  She organized all of her 'special things' on her bookcase.  Yes, she's emotional (she is a girl).  But, she is amazing.

#4 is an active little guy . . . which I love.  This pregnancy is flying by.  Too fast.  I want to enjoy it.  I want to finally write in one of the many pregnancy journals I've bought over the years (each one has 2-3 pages filled out).

But, time is just marching ahead.  I'll do my best to live in the moment and enjoy every second.

A new little Peterson baby

Today was our 20 week ultrasound for #4.  After going through the experiences we did with Gavin . . . it seems so trivial to even wish for a certain gender or anything else beyond 'healthy' and 'developing normally.'

But, our sweet little Autumn was 100% praying for a little baby sister.

And, although Jeff and I felt almost guilty for hoping for a girl . . . for Autumn's sake . . . we did just a little.

We always focus on Gavin and the trials that he goes through individually.  But, it should never be overlooked that this situation is incredibly difficult for Autumn as well.  She is the one that waits for Gavin, pushes him in his walker or wheelchair, endures countless hours at the hospital and doctors' offices and generally experiences a different kind of life than other little girls.  At every Spina Bifida event we attend, we always hear about the impact these special kids have on their siblings.  It is something we can't avoid, but we try to always consider.  His big sister waiting at the end of the hall for him was the only reason that Gavin even started using his walker.

So, even though I felt almost 100% sure that we were having another boy . . . I was kind of hoping that she could get the little sister that she had been hoping for. 

She told us that she would pack up her things and run away if we were having another boy.  She was looking ahead to the day that she might have to actually babysit three 'pesky boys' with dread.

When we arrived at the hospital for the ultrasound, Jeff took a quick picture of Autumn with fingers crossed and a hopeful smile on her face.

Within the first 10 seconds of the ultrasound . . . it was confirmed in an obvious way that #4 was indeed another boy.

Autumn spent the rest of the appointment waiting on the other side of the curtain in total despair.

The whole family went to lunch afterward and I explained to Autumn how special it was to be the princess of the family.  I reminded her of our special girls' nights and pedicures and crafts and all of the pink and frilly things that she loves.  I also suggested that she was one of the toughest girls I know - and that she needed brothers to try to keep up with her on her dirt bike and her snowmobile.  And, I topped it off by suggesting that she would never have to share a bedroom.

And, then I saved my own few, guilty tears until a little later in the day . . . when Autumn and Gavin were happily playing at a friend's house.

I couldn't be happier that Gage will have a brother so close in age.  I hope that they will be little buddies forever.  And, I'm so extremely happy that so far the baby looks healthy.

But, if I truly admit it . . . I can't stand the thought of getting rid of Autumn's clothes.  But, it's not about the clothes.  It's about my little girl.  And, the small little hope in the back of my head that I might have a little bundle of pink one more time.



And, I really, really wanted - for Autumn's sake - for her to catch a little break and get her wish.

In the last 3 1/2 years, Autumn has lived in two countries, four houses, gone to three different schools by first grade and had one new baby added to the family. She has gone through quite a lot for a six year old.

I spent some time tonight looking back through pictures of Autumn and Gavin. Oh to relive those days of my sweet, crazy little princess.

Although she desperately wanted a sister, Autumn is so sweet to her little brothers.  At six, she's the best helper for Gage.  And, loves to take care of him without my asking.  She loved Gavin from the start.

 

Our little girl constantly keeps us on our toes.

But, everything pink aside . . . we have some cute little boys in our house.  And, we absolutely adore them.  Even though Gavin's first year was riddled with unusual circumstances . . . man, that kid was a sweetheart.

And, then there's our little G-man.  Could a kid get any cuter?

 Honestly, I just think it will be so fun to grow our family and to have a little newborn of our very own to hold one more time.  I feel so grateful for the little angels we have and can't wait to meet our new little Peterson.

And, truth be told . . . Autumn is very likely to get a baby girl kitten for her birthday.  Small consolation for not getting a sister . . . but, we're hoping it might help.