Career Woman

I sat down at the desk again tonight with a long list of 'to do's' in my head. I was going to create a meal plan for the upcoming week - complete with grocery list, plan out a few months of nursery lessons with a printable for the parents, organize my latest recipes into the binder and add divider sections . . . and then I remembered a few people that I needed to email back.

So, I emailed some friends . . . and, then I got lost on Facebook for a few minutes.

Okay . . . shake it off. Focus.

Back to online resources that can help me plan meals and nursery lessons.

One blog led to another and another and another. I couldn't even hit {back} enough to get back to where I started.

What WAS I doing?

Okay, back on track. Looking at sites with craft ideas for young children. Perfect.

Wait . . . she (a blogger I do not know - not even distantly) not only posts about family home evening resources and nursery ideas, she used PVC pipes as drapery rods in her family room. It looks amazing . . . She said the idea came from another blog written by a mom that home schools eight children, adds a new recipe and FHE lesson every week, and has colored 100s of pictures that anyone can download to use on flannel boards . . . Her blog linked to another blog of a mom that printed out those 100s of pictures onto t-shirt transfer fabric which she ironed to flannel and then cut out and organized into individual folders with supporting lessons and stories.

Enough. I will link to all these blogs on my blog so I can refer back to them . . . later.

While I'm on my blog, I'll just check out some of my actual friend's sites to see if they've made any updates. I think at least half of the girls I know are pregnant - including Katherine, who has just made her second gorgeous quilt in just a few months.

ARGH! Sure, I know I should just be happy for all of these amazing women and for all they do. And, I am. I really am. But, now I'm also feeling completely inadequate.

Long gone (or at least shelved) is the notion that I will be this kind of crafty mom. Forget the homeschooling or even the quilts. I'd just be happy to update my blog regularly for my own records, have a schedule for nursery beyond 1 or 2 weeks, organize my 'craft room' (poor, neglected, dusty craft room), and organize . . . well . . . my life.

There are women all around that seem to have everything at home ticking like clockwork. Plus, they throw in a bit of patience, spiritual calm, and insight.

Phooey.

And, then I try to think about what I am really good at. Hmmmm . . .

Well, I am good at my job. And, it's not just your normal job. It's a busy one. Not just busy, but . . . complicated. Hard. Challenging. Pivotal. No wonder I like it.

And, then . . . I realized (really and truly) for the first time that I am . . . {gasp} . . . a CAREER WOMAN. A business professional.

Sure, everyone else probably realized that long ago. Not me.

I have been an in denial wanna-be stay-at-home crafty, creative mom that worked just for insurance and money . . . for five years now. Wow.

I think part of me thought that by admitting I have come to enjoy my job that I would also somehow be saying that I wouldn't prefer to be home raising my kids. And, that's not true.

But, I sense the judging sometimes. I have brushed off the comments by people completely unaware of our situation and Gavin's needs. Those insensitive self-righteous comments.

And, I always get a little chuckle at the people who feel sorry for Jeff. Poor Jeff that has somehow given up everything so that I can work. He has been worried over by everyone much more than your typical stay-at-home parent, I guarantee. Much more than a wanna-be full-time mom. Funny (in an ironic kind of way) . . .

No one can deny how amazing he is. I sent him a note yesterday - from the office - when he sounded uncharacteristically frustrated by cleaning the kitchen yet again - that said that I didn't know any other man that could rebuild a car's engine, construct a house, be more financially savvy or athletic while serving as a go-to babysitter, doing laundry, teaching Gavin the alphabet, being the most amazing patient daddy ever . . . all while loving and supporting an all-too-often frazzled wife. I love him. No . . . I adore him.

So, perhaps he's doing a better job at being a stay-at-home parent than I would.

{grrrrrr}

I'll admit . . . it's not easy to keep a balance. Not at all. When I could be stretching my creative muscles at night, you can typically find me with my computer on my lap, conducting some kind of regression analysis to create a model to forecast the proper daily media spend based on the number of registrants we gain each day at varying levels of TV spend and viewer impressions. And, I hated that I told Autumn to "wait just a second" for me to read her a book tonight because I needed to check my Blackberry. Again.

{sigh}

I'm a career woman. Not a stay-at-home mom. But, I'm still a mommy.

I bet if I were one of those other amazing mom bloggers, I'd wrap this post up with a little bow of wisdom. A little spiritual thought that proves I have grown yet again today.

But, I'm not going to do that. I'm too deflated to try. I'm not even going to do anything that was on my original list. I'll be honest . . . I'll likely go answer some work emails.

Everything else will wait for another night, another list . . . another shelf.