Saturday, February 9, 2008

I am going to miss those feet . . .

I know it's crazy - but, I am going to miss those feet. Gavin's surgery (which includes orthopedic work to turn his feet and orchiopexy) is about a month away . . . and, to be honest, I haven't had the heart to schedule it at Primary Children's. I've had the information I needed since our last SB Clinic appointment - and I just keep finding excuses not to do it. I've known since he was born that this surgery was necessary . . . and the impending date still overwhelms me. The thought of my 1-yr-old baby being in surgery for more than 5 hours to complete all the work that needs to be done is devastasting in itself. But, knowing that he will be transformed forever when he comes out of that operating room is bittersweet.

I am going to miss those feet.

Those feet ARE Gavin . . . they are a visible symbol of the precious, special little boy that he is. Of course, there will be plenty of other additions that will clearly signify his disability . . . the braces that he will be required to constantly wear . . . and ultimately the wheelchair. But, those are "additions." His feet are him - they are who he is. I would no more want to peform plastic surgery on my beautiful little girl than change Gavin's feet. But, I know it's different. And, I know it's necessary. But, words cannot describe the sadness I feel over it. It brings me to tears as I write this.

I love those feet. And, I am going to miss them so much.


  1. I love that you love your babies just the way they are! It's very heart warming. Most people would be so excited about a operation like this, where with you... you love those little feet EXACTLY the way they are. You are a great example for other moms. =)

  2. You made me cry. His feet are special and oh so very sweet just like him and you!

  3. Karen, Your babies are beautiful, and those feet are darling. I am sure this is hard, and your words made me cry too. I just love the way you love, so unconditionally, like a mother should. Just tonight I went through something with Damon that made me sad. GOOD LUCK, and keep us posted.

  4. Karen you are so sweet. Remember when Halle asked what was wrong with his feet? She then said, "OH, they are so cute." Do you remember that? It was the last time we were up there, when Juston ran out of gas on the dirtbike and Jeff had to rescue his sorry butt. His little feet are so sweet, and so him. You will always have pictures to remember how they were before his surgery.

  5. talk about a tear-jerker....and I mostly mean that about the impending surgery. I'm SO sorry that you are having to go through the "surgery waiting room" thing again.

  6. Your dad says the picture of Gavin's feet remind him of hands folded in prayer.
    I've had a hard time leaving a comment because you told me after he was born that I'm not allowed to cry. Everyone else must have been given permission. Love, MOM