Gotta Start Somewhere

I have big aspirations all the time.  I want to write.  I want to journal.  I want to document my family's story.  I want to express my worries, fears, hopes, concerns and dreams.

I want to create a Blurb book with pictures.  I want to go through all of the years of kindergarten and preschool artwork and frame pieces and create proper collections.  I want to get ONE picture up on a wall in my house (yes - still naked walls staring at me everywhere).

But, I also have a tendency to become overwhelmed when I have too many options.  I recently read something that said that it takes willpower to make decisions, to be tactful and professional, and to bite your tongue - and that willpower runs out.  And, it confirmed (and kind of justified) my suspicion that I am using up all of my focus, determination and decision-making skills at work . . . and there's just not much left when I get home. 

A few examples . . .

I have been promising myself that I would be writing a blog post every day.  And, I'll admit . . .

it's not just that I don't know where to start because I have so much to say.  I also end up losing myself in other people's worlds . . . dreaming of New York City life with my littles, being a stay-at-home mom in Arizona, or having the confidence to share advice on things from cooking to crafting on Clover Lane.  I'm a voyeur and not a contributor to this lovely little internet world.

 

I needed to replace a much-used and much-beloved strawberry slicer.  After doing some research and narrowing the list down - I asked Jeff for his opinion.  He laughed and said that it would have made more sense to quickly buy 2 or 3 rather than spend an hour agonizing over the options for a $5 product.  Hmmmm . . . true.

 

In the very rare few moments when I have quiet in my house (imagine two babies asleep at the same time and two big kids playing happily for a moment) . . . what do I do!?  I could sleep, I could clean, I could read, I could exercise . . . oh my.  So, I usually waste my time in indecision.  Annoying.  It actually reminds me about a short story that I was assigned to write in college.  I procrastinated as usual - and then suffered from total writer's block.  I wrote a story about a girl that couldn't come up with a story to write.  True story. 

So, what am I going to do?  How do I find a way to channel some deep inner store of untapped will power and apply some consistency in my life?  Perhaps even a regular routine or schedule? 

I guess I just gotta start somewhere.

Garrett's First Twelve Months

To see all twelve months of Garrett's first year . . . it's beautiful, amazing and heart-breaking all at the same time.  My little baby grew up way too fast.  I know I'm a broken record and I know we all say the same thing.  But, my insides feel like they are going to cave in when I think that I am moving past my newborn baby years.  I adore them.  I want to smell them and rub my cheek on their soft skin.

And, what a lucky mom I am to have my four angels.  And, I will cherish every minute.

But, I will ache to have a newborn again.

Oh so sad to go . . . oh so much fun when you get there

It's been two years since I traveled out of the country for work.  Last time I was in London was when Gage was 6 months old.  I had convinced Jeff to come with me somehow . . . and we even arranged for Jeff's parents to watch the two older kids.  After diligent preparations and 'thinking of everything', I realized the night before the trip that we did not have a passport for our littlest man.  The parents that had just returned from living in a foreign country for years - and knew very well about the passport restrictions . . . completely forgot.  It was devastating.  I spent the night canceling flights, rearranging flights and crying.

Fast forward two years, and I couldn't convince that very same husband to come with me and bring our 10 month old.  Jeff said something like, 'absolutely under no circumstances would I travel 13 hours with a baby on a plane'  and 'are you crazy!?'  So, I traveled without my family.

And, there was more sadness and crying and regret as I drove away - and my whole family waved from the front window.  Lots more tears.

Luckily, I traveled with good friends from the company - all of whom were leaving their littles at home as well.  And, we commiserated.  And, we talked about them.  We shared pictures and stories and family traditions and talked about how - although we were missing our families terribly - we all felt loneliness especially for our spouses, left at home alone with our kids.

And, we endured the 13+ hours of traveling.  And, we worked hard on presentations and slides and leading discussions and analyzing numbers for days.

And, then we partied like rock stars at night!

I absolutely despise the leaving.  But, once I'm there . . . I do take full advantage.

 

Autumn's Baptism

Our little girl looked so tall and grown up as she chose to be baptized on her 8th birthday.  How amazing to actually celebrate her birthday on the very day she was surrounded by family and friends for her baptism.  She was lucky to have one set of grandparents and Uncle Jared and Aunt Lynnsey's family in town, especially for the event.