Remembering it all . . .

Two days ago (9/20/11) Gage started saying "ma ma ma ma ma".  I think he was actually saying it out of frustration.  But, I ran right over with the proudest smile on my face and said, "Yes! Mama!"  And, he returned that smile tenfold.

And, then yesterday (9/22/11), I realized that he was reaching for me when I went to pick him up.

I want to write these things down . . . because I didn't do that as well as I should have with Autumn and Gavin.  And, I want to remember these little details forever.  I want to be able to tell my grandchildren stories about their parents when they were babies. 

I have thought about taking hours and hours of video just to capture those simple little moments.  If only . . .

So, I will try to remember . . .

The way Gage kicks his legs, bounces up and down and starts to pant when I walk through the door from work.  Nothing makes me happier.  And, nothing makes more me sad than leaving that same, optimistic little face every morning.

The way he thinks my singing "In the Leafy Treetops" (which has been my diaper-changing song tradition for all of my kids) is hilarious.  Every time.  He probably realizes already that I have no ability to sing.  Autumn actually asks me to stop singing when I try.  But, thankfully, Gage seems to be amused by it . . . at least for now.

The way he wants desperately to eat grown-up food far ahead of the time that I could even imagine my little baby wanting.  He cries all during dinner until he has finger food in front of him.  And, then he happily smacks his little lips and says "ummm yummm ummm ummm" the whole time he munches away.

The way he nods his little head up and down, mouth wide open.  And, the way he does it even more when he sees our excitement.

The way his head every so softly droops over in his stroller when we are walking alone in the quiet, cold mornings and falls asleep.  A few weeks ago, I decided to embrace his 6am wake-up call, rather than fight it.  Because I quickly learned that you can't contain an army-crawling baby on a King-sized bed.  And, you'll be awake anyway.  So, these early mornings have become a special, sacred time with Mommy and baby.  We get up every morning, go downstairs and watch the first five minutes of Baby Signing Time together.  We focus on the signs for eat, drink, water, milk and cracker.  Then, we eat breakfast together and suit up for our morning stroll.  And, I do mean suit up.  The mornings in Heber have become very cold, very quickly.  We know when the sprinklers are on, which way to walk so that the sun isn't in our eyes, and how the rest of the world is missing out on the calm of a beautiful morning.  It's our special time together (although we do welcome the rest of the family to join us if they wake up in time).

The way that Gage turned into a speedy little army crawler overnight.  Two weeks ago, while Jeff and I were on the phone, he said, "Yikes! You can't turn your back on him for a second" (which did scare me on multiple levels!).  He has been crawling like this for a few weeks.  And, in the last week, he has found a way to get up on his hands and knees.  He rocks in that position for a minute and then is back down to the floor.  It's only a matter of time before he gets the hang of hand-knee crawling.  We just lowered his crib this past week.  With the aide of crib rails, he can easily pull himself up.  Yikes.

And, I want to remember that as a mother with this little baby . . .

I am relishing the moments more.  I am holding him longer and more often.  I don't even worry about setting him down on the ground to cry while I run to do one little thing or another (and I also don't worry too much about whether this is going to create terrible habits for him in the long run).  I have learned to juggle with a little baby on my hip.  And, Gage has learned to cling to me - with his little arm curled around mine and the other holding tightly to whatever he can grab - often my shirt or a necklace.

I feel more confident . . . yet, still rely on books and friends to coach me through.

I have come to the realization that sometimes formula is a necessity.  Autumn and Gavin never even tasted the stuff.  But, in the last two weeks, I have realized that he might be hungry even after my milk is gone.  I don't know why exactly that this still makes me feel disappointed.  But, I am letting go a little.  Because I'll do anything I can for this little baby.

And, no matter what . . . I will never get over the sadness that I feel when I leave a little baby at home to go to work.  Even with baby number 3 . . . walking out that door and leaving a young little family at home is still hard . . . every day.

I am lucky and grateful every day for the three little spirits that grace my house.  Yes, they scream and don't listen and fight and hit.  But, they are little.  And, they are mine.  And, I love them more than I could have ever imagined.

Daddy's Vacation

Less than 5 minutes after we dropped Jeff off at the airport, a very soft little Gavin voice came from the back seat, "I miss Dad." So sweet. So scary since Daddy was leaving the country! That night as I was rocking him to sleep (I thought that was a fairly recent phenomenon since he used to be the best little boy at bedtime - but, Jeff informed me that the trend began when we were in Virginia after Christmas and has never stopped), he fell asleep quickly and was twitching . . . he actually moaned - in his sleep - and said, "Daaaaddddy." That cute little boy is in love with his Daddy.  So began our week at home without Daddy.

Wednesday Afternoon 

After the airport, we made a quick trip to the mall to swap out our cable box.  It felt nice to be another mom pushing a stroller around (although I suspect almost every woman I saw with kids was a nanny).  Then, we stopped by the library for the afternoon.  Gavin loves to crawl up and down the stairs while Autumn and I read and chose the books she was going to check out.

We spent a lot of time out back on the playset all week (we love our neighbor, Marsha and her daughter, Aliza, for passing it along).  Gavin has learned to crawl up the stairs by himself.  He continues to amaze me.  And, he's so proud of himself.

It doesn't stop him from having this look on his face by the time he gets to the bottom of the slide.

Thursday 

My first morning getting both kids ready for school alone.  And, they were angels.  Really.  I did have to make a few rest stops on the way in to Gavin's preschool as I carried him and his trike in.  Wow.  Reason #278 that Jeff makes a great stay-at-home parent.  He's stronger than me.  And, that little Gavin boy is heavy.

Thursday was hot.  It warranted breaking out the Slip n Slide.  We created a water slide on the playset with the hose.  Set up the umbrella.  Made some lemonade (which Gavin surprisingly loves) and had ourselves a picnic.  So much fun.  So hot.

Friday

Gavin and I spent the morning playing Cars while Autumn was at school.  It's his very favorite past-time.  He has 30 or more little cars from the Disney Cars movie.  They talk to each other and have elaborate adventures.

We were ready to go to the Toronto Zoo soon after we picked up Autumn from the bus stop (during which Gavin ran into the back of my legs with his four-wheeler and I almost cried when I saw the chunk of skin I was missing).

Trying to get out of the house was a challenge.  Gavin wanted his sunglasses - which I couldn't find.  Autumn wanted to wear sandals - which are all too small.  I had to run back in the house for a million little items - sunscreen, the zoo passes, more water.  I was checking one last time for Gavin's sunglasses in the garage when my sunglasses fell off and skidded across the driveway . . . on their lenses.  I ran to grab them and when I stood up I whacked the back of my head on the side view mirror.  Hard.  Ouch.  

We had big plans to visit the tigers and elephants . . . but, ended up splitting our time between the little bunnies at the zoo in the kids' park and the sandbox.  They were perfectly content and happy not to go anywhere else.  So funny.

They were both ecstatic that they actually were able to each touch a bunny.  They both said it was the highlight of their day.

Saturday

Autumn's best friend, Alida, and her mom, Lisa, and their little June bug came over for a visit.  I love this family.  June and Gavin actually play so well together.  And, the afternoon was full of freeze tag, playing toys, pretending to be princesses, playing outside, more picnics, and a little bit of packing.

Sunday

We hit our low point Sunday morning.  Both kids woke up coughing - Gavin sometime in the night and Autumn sometime later in the night.  There's not much sleep to be had with two squirmy kids in the bed.

Gavin was so cranky and upset . . . he couldn't be put down for a second.  And, I'll say it again . . . he is heavy.  I actually had to put myself in a short time-out that morning.  For sanity's sake.

By the afternoon, calm Mommy had returned.  We walked around the block a few times, drew on the driveway with chalk, climbed some trees, had another picnic, pla yed the Wii, watched a movie, made some cookies and relaxed.


Monday

The kids tried to convince me to drive to the airport to hang out and wait for Daddy about five hours before his plane was scheduled to arrive.  I held them off.  But, I had to be quite creative!

We went to visit the new house we are moving to (more on that later).  And, spent the morning playing hide-and-seek in an empty house.  I realized - with utter devastation - that Gavin was going to have an incredibly hard time getting around because of the number of stairs everywhere.  The entire house has wood floors (of which I am not a fan - I've asked Jeff to please limit wood in any of our future homes to the office room only).  Gavin said the stairs are "too slickery."

And, then we went to pick Daddy up from the airport.  Such a cute reunion.

I had shamelessly bribed the kids with small toys that Jeff was picking up from the US (I love and miss you, Amazon.com).  They each were allowed five 'strikes' for the week - documented on a prominent poster on the wall - to still earn their toys.  It worked like a charm.  Sadly for Jeff, I think they were more excited to get their toys than see him initially.

Autumn was actually a joy all week.  I adore her.  She's so much fun to hang out with.

And, Gavin was a little roller coaster.  He missed his Daddy.  So, I had to cut him some slack.  Lucky for him, he's such a cute little funny guy.  It partially makes up for the whining and constant begging to "hold me."

So, that's the highlights of the week.  There were lots of extras, of course, like riding bikes, playing with the dogs, making crafts . . .

We survived . . . without Super Dad . . . for a few days.

But, we were so glad to have him back.