Crazy Hair Day

Autumn designed her hair for crazy hair day . . . complete with a picture of her expectations.

With one trip to the craft store, we were ready.

We did decide not to add the rain drop, cloud, or sun at the last minute.  But, I think we could have pulled it off.  However, we opted to add a hat instead.

We fully spiked Gavin's hair and sprayed him down with glitter.

I love those eyes.

Those long lashes of his just kill me.

A new baby . . . three days away

I'm having a baby in three days.  It's strange for me to even know the birth date ahead of time.  I guess, in reality, we knew Autumn's (since she was induced) and Gage's (since he was a c-section).  But, both of those situations were fairly last minute decisions.  This date, however, has been scheduled for more than a month!

Yet, days away, I still find it absolutely amazing that we're about to have another baby.  Gage is still so little.  Still my baby.  Although, just this week, he has felt a little heavier and looked a little bigger.  But, he's still my little baby.

Little Gage isn't going to know what to do with a new distraction in the house.

Autumn feels like she's surrounded my brothers . . . or "bothers" as she has just said recently starting saying (not sure where she heard that little gem).

Gavin was concerned that Jeff wouldn't be able to ride four-wheelers with him.  Once we confirmed that we would still have family walks . . . and that I would be happy to keep the babies at home while he and Daddy went for special rides together . . . Gavin was once again okay that another baby was joining the family.

I've said it so many times before . . . but, I do feel like the last year has just flown by.  I remember comforting everyone at work and emphasizing that I had MONTHS before anyone had to worry about me being out on maternity leave.  And, yet . . . here I am . . . days away.

Jeff and I had many long, serious discussions contemplating whether or not we should attempt to add a third baby to our family.  Although we had agreed from the beginning that we would like to have three or four children, so much changed when Gavin was born.

And, then . . . once we were committed to the notion that having another baby was the best thing for Gavin and our family . . . Gage took a couple of years to make his way to us.

So, imagine our surprise when we were blessed with another little angel so quickly.

And, yet . . . despite thinking the entire time that Gage would be my last pregnancy . . . this time things are much more final feeling.  And, my emotions are much more intense than they were before my delivery with Gage.

I can't imagine not feeling a little human tossing and turning in my belly.  Or having hiccups.  Or moving a foot under a rib.  It's the most wondrous and amazing experience that I could ever describe.  It's one that I wish I could share with Jeff.  Despite all of the pain that comes with bearing children, I would rather keep it all than have to give up the magical feeling of a baby inside.

And, now it really feels final.  I have three more days to experience the wonder of carrying a baby.  And, I'm sad.

I'll also admit . . . I'm really scared.  I'm scared because I know the pain of recovery from a c-section.  I know how uncomfortable I was in the hospital.  And, how I could barely breathe hard or deep enough to lift the little ball in the tool that the respiratory specialists used to help me recover.  I remember shaking uncontrollably.  I wish I didn't remember all of those things.  Recovery was just so much easier with both Autumn and Gavin.

But, there's also the emotional aspects of delivery.  Things progressed very smoothly with Autumn.  We were able to fully enjoy the first days of becoming new parents together in that little room.  I took countless pictures of Jeff holding our little girl . . . and thinking that I couldn't love any two people more.

And, then . . . Gavin's birth was the extreme opposite.  Nothing felt right about the entire day . . . and all of our concerns and fears were more than confirmed during delivery.  It was a day of chaos that I would never want to repeat.

My pregnancy with Gage was riddled with concerns and little potential problems that the doctors "just wanted to follow up on."  So, even though there was the traumatic call that he must be delivered via c-section, we were thrilled to hear his tiny cry when he was born.  And, then devastated moments later when we realized that the nurses couldn't find a heartbeat.  I will never forget looking over at the warmer, and two tiny blueish feet, as the nurse shook her head 'no' to her assistant as she tried to find a heartbeat.  Those next minutes were torturous.

So . . . here I am . . . emotional about this being our last baby . . . days away from a delivery and recovery that is just downright painful . . . and sick with worry.

Despite his positive and comforting nature, my doctor even knows now not to tell me how unlikely it is that something will go wrong.  Because, in my case . . . I tend to defy the odds.

Yet, this little man has been a smooth pregnancy.  I believe that he was sent to us for a reason.  My doctor even said that this little baby was meant to be - considering all the factors.

So, I'm feeling overwhelmed . . . with gratitude and excitement, fear and concern.  But, I'm looking forward to that moment when they place this little angel in my arms for the first time.  And, I can look into his eyes and meet the little man that's been kicking and poking me for months.  When I can look at him and see my husband in his features.  When I can see Jeff holding him . . . and think that I couldn't love any five people more.

The House

I just realized that it has almost been exactly a year since we first started building our house.  Wow.  It sure did seem like a long year in so many ways - and so short in others.  Jeff was gone all the time working so hard to build a perfect house for his family.  And, little Gage was experiencing his first year of life. Autumn changed schools yet again - as soon as we knew where we would be building (and the boundaries for the elementary school).  And, Gavin started preschool at the local elementary.

Now, I'm sitting at a computer at our desk in the new house.  And, it seems like the year just flew by and we've been here forever.

My completely blank walls tell a different story.  And, the boxes and bags still lingering in my closet betray me.  It's only been a few months since we've moved in.

Some could argue that it's plenty of time to hang a picture or two.  But, man . . . I'm just so happy to be here . . . with my family.  Settled.  With Jeff back at home with us.  And, the busyness never stopped.

Sadly, the pictures we took of the building process don't paint the full story.  And, at the most exciting time . . . when everything was finishing . . . we were far too busy focused on finalizing the details that were required for us to move in . . . including packing.  So, we don't have pictures of the finished product pre-move-in-date.

But, these pictures do paint a bit of the building story.

I am so very glad that while we were in Canada - and we were in the process of bidding on houses - that I didn't sign and fax the papers to accept the bank's counteroffer on a house that is now around the corner.  I told Jeff that I wanted to bring home the contract to review everything one more time.

That night, Jeff had a hard time sleeping.

When we woke up the next morning, Jeff told me that he had been running figures through his head and drawing plans for hours in the night.  And, that he was convinced we should buy a lot and build our own house . . . one that was totally suitable for Gavin.

Jeff is one of the smartest and most talented people I have ever met.

I fully supported his decision.  He was 100% right.

Gavin has a better life because of that night.

I am so happy to be here.  I'm so lucky to have Jeff.  I am so happy to have my family.

And, I love this house.

 

Presenting Gage: The World's Cutest Baby

The Little Moments

This morning, I had one of those moments when it felt like something was squeezing my heart, constricting my throat, and pushing water out of my eyes . . . 

I had just given Autumn a big goodbye hug and then I watched her walk down our driveway with her backpack on and a little bounce to her step . . . on her way to the bus stop . . . a big girl . . . all by herself.

She turned, waved again and yelled that she loved me.

And, I yelled back again that I loved her even more.  And, then I stood there motionless, watching her walk away . . . trying to capture the way she looked with her not-fully brushed, long hair, her shorts (even though it's not quite time for them), and her carefree little hum. 

Not understanding how it all happened so fast.

I was literally torn between watching that moment in real time and running to grab my camera.  I know it was a simple thing. But, those little things mean so much.

So, I stood there watching.

Then I turned to Jeff and asked him how and when our little girl had grown up so suddenly.

Gavin Turns 5!!

The good news about Gavin's pool party was that we were actually able to swim the whole time as planned (unlike so many times in the past when our swim time was cut short by someone's unfortunate 'bathroom' incident in the pool . . . oooooo . . . super gross).  The bad news was that in the shuffle of getting three kids and two adults ready in the locker room, we misplaced the birthday boy's shirt.  This was immediately following the realization that Gavin had sliced off the side of his big toe at some point in the pool . . . and after he was semi-fixed up in the lifeguard office (one of the kids at the party later told her mom that Gavin was taken to the ER . . . so, to the other kids . . . the whole bloody experience was super exciting).

There are rare blessings that Gavin does not have feeling in his feet.  So, the loss of his Spiderman shirt was by far more traumatic than his sliced toe.  Plus, especially to the people that didn't realize that Gavin was not in pain . . . his calm demeanor in the face of disaster was incredibly impressive.

The final good news of the night was that we finally found his shirt while we were packing up.  It had fallen under a chair in the pool area.  Peace was restored.

Because his party was on a weekday, just a few families came to join in our celebration.  Gavin invited his friends from our new neighborhood as well as the twins that go to preschool with him.

There were Spiderman decorations all around and delicious pizza from our favorite local restaurant in Kamas, followed by homemade chocolate cupcakes.

Our shirtless little boy was the center of attention . . . and he deserved it.

There's no doubt that Gavin is at a pivotal age.  He is the funniest little guy and says the most random things to make us laugh. His laugh is infectious and his little voice melts my heart.   However, that voice can easily turn into the whiniest of screams.  And, his flailing angry arms sometimes hit and hurt.

So, I sometimes struggle between what is normal five-year-old behavior and what is related to the challenging situation that he is in.  Who can blame Gavin for getting frustrated when the other kids run up the stairs faster than he can?  Or, when one of my friends said that she would bring her boys after to our house to run around . . . and, Gavin yelled from the back, "I can't run."  If we can do anything for Gavin, we hope it is to instill the most positive outlook and attitude that is imaginable.  If we can do that . . . we will be so happy.  Because nothing will stop him. Attitude is the only disability.

But, our little five-year-old man is amazing.  A true little miracle man.

I wonder what he wished for . . .

Gage at 12 months

Our sweet little man . . . 12 months already.  Time sure did fly by.  I know everyone says that.  But, it's completely true.  There are a million moments that I would like to freeze: 

Gage's chuckle when Jeff blows on his belly,

The way he points so that we will take him somewhere,

How every single time I put his bear on my shoulder before bed or nap time, he immediately snuggles his face into the silky fabric,

How Gage is learning sign language so quickly and motions for drink, mom and hurt,

The way that Gage crawls when he has something in his had - a little sideways scoot with one leg dragging behind,

The way he absolutely loves the little board book 'Goodnight Baby Blessings' that has been a consistent favorite at our house - he will sit on his own and flip through the pages,

and so much more.  

I can only imagine how big Gage will seem when his baby brother comes home.  But, Gage is still - undoubtedly - my little baby.  I adore him.

Sherry came up while I was at work one day to snap a few photos of our growing little guy.  Newly skilled at being mobile, he was not the most cooperative subject.  But, I love the photos that she was able to capture.  Oh those blue eyes . . .