Career Woman

I sat down at the desk again tonight with a long list of 'to do's' in my head. I was going to create a meal plan for the upcoming week - complete with grocery list, plan out a few months of nursery lessons with a printable for the parents, organize my latest recipes into the binder and add divider sections . . . and then I remembered a few people that I needed to email back.

So, I emailed some friends . . . and, then I got lost on Facebook for a few minutes.

Okay . . . shake it off. Focus.

Back to online resources that can help me plan meals and nursery lessons.

One blog led to another and another and another. I couldn't even hit {back} enough to get back to where I started.

What WAS I doing?

Okay, back on track. Looking at sites with craft ideas for young children. Perfect.

Wait . . . she (a blogger I do not know - not even distantly) not only posts about family home evening resources and nursery ideas, she used PVC pipes as drapery rods in her family room. It looks amazing . . . She said the idea came from another blog written by a mom that home schools eight children, adds a new recipe and FHE lesson every week, and has colored 100s of pictures that anyone can download to use on flannel boards . . . Her blog linked to another blog of a mom that printed out those 100s of pictures onto t-shirt transfer fabric which she ironed to flannel and then cut out and organized into individual folders with supporting lessons and stories.

Enough. I will link to all these blogs on my blog so I can refer back to them . . . later.

While I'm on my blog, I'll just check out some of my actual friend's sites to see if they've made any updates. I think at least half of the girls I know are pregnant - including Katherine, who has just made her second gorgeous quilt in just a few months.

ARGH! Sure, I know I should just be happy for all of these amazing women and for all they do. And, I am. I really am. But, now I'm also feeling completely inadequate.

Long gone (or at least shelved) is the notion that I will be this kind of crafty mom. Forget the homeschooling or even the quilts. I'd just be happy to update my blog regularly for my own records, have a schedule for nursery beyond 1 or 2 weeks, organize my 'craft room' (poor, neglected, dusty craft room), and organize . . . well . . . my life.

There are women all around that seem to have everything at home ticking like clockwork. Plus, they throw in a bit of patience, spiritual calm, and insight.

Phooey.

And, then I try to think about what I am really good at. Hmmmm . . .

Well, I am good at my job. And, it's not just your normal job. It's a busy one. Not just busy, but . . . complicated. Hard. Challenging. Pivotal. No wonder I like it.

And, then . . . I realized (really and truly) for the first time that I am . . . {gasp} . . . a CAREER WOMAN. A business professional.

Sure, everyone else probably realized that long ago. Not me.

I have been an in denial wanna-be stay-at-home crafty, creative mom that worked just for insurance and money . . . for five years now. Wow.

I think part of me thought that by admitting I have come to enjoy my job that I would also somehow be saying that I wouldn't prefer to be home raising my kids. And, that's not true.

But, I sense the judging sometimes. I have brushed off the comments by people completely unaware of our situation and Gavin's needs. Those insensitive self-righteous comments.

And, I always get a little chuckle at the people who feel sorry for Jeff. Poor Jeff that has somehow given up everything so that I can work. He has been worried over by everyone much more than your typical stay-at-home parent, I guarantee. Much more than a wanna-be full-time mom. Funny (in an ironic kind of way) . . .

No one can deny how amazing he is. I sent him a note yesterday - from the office - when he sounded uncharacteristically frustrated by cleaning the kitchen yet again - that said that I didn't know any other man that could rebuild a car's engine, construct a house, be more financially savvy or athletic while serving as a go-to babysitter, doing laundry, teaching Gavin the alphabet, being the most amazing patient daddy ever . . . all while loving and supporting an all-too-often frazzled wife. I love him. No . . . I adore him.

So, perhaps he's doing a better job at being a stay-at-home parent than I would.

{grrrrrr}

I'll admit . . . it's not easy to keep a balance. Not at all. When I could be stretching my creative muscles at night, you can typically find me with my computer on my lap, conducting some kind of regression analysis to create a model to forecast the proper daily media spend based on the number of registrants we gain each day at varying levels of TV spend and viewer impressions. And, I hated that I told Autumn to "wait just a second" for me to read her a book tonight because I needed to check my Blackberry. Again.

{sigh}

I'm a career woman. Not a stay-at-home mom. But, I'm still a mommy.

I bet if I were one of those other amazing mom bloggers, I'd wrap this post up with a little bow of wisdom. A little spiritual thought that proves I have grown yet again today.

But, I'm not going to do that. I'm too deflated to try. I'm not even going to do anything that was on my original list. I'll be honest . . . I'll likely go answer some work emails.

Everything else will wait for another night, another list . . . another shelf.

Prayers for Bronson

On Saturday, our dear friends Matt and Sara suffered an unimaginable tragedy. Their baby Bronson - just 16 months old - drowned in their bathtub. Through a whirlwind of action and miracles, he was revived at the hospital after slipping away. Words cannot begin to express my heartbreak and overwhelming love for their family. We have cried, prayed, waited for updates, cried and prayed some more.

And, while I constantly think of them, I am also reminded of our time at Primary Children's, a place of miracles, tragedy and hope. We were uplifted, comforted and astonished by the outpouring of love from friends, neighbors, family and even practical strangers. We appreciated every prayer, call, email, flower, meal and thought on our behalf. Yet, I also couldn't imagine or quite comprehend people being so affected by an experience that felt so personal.

And, while I in no way am comparing our experiences for one second . . . I can, for the first time and with certainty, understand and appreciate the feelings that so many of you had for my family. Is this how you felt? I cannot express my appreciation enough.

My heart literally aches for sweet Sara - as she endures an endless tirade of emotions and regret, sadness and hope. She has always been undoubtedly one of the most remarkable women I have ever met . . . the kind of person that I strive to be. And, she and her family continue to amaze me.

Life seems to stop in everyone's worlds at different points. Time caring over your child's bed at Primary Children's will change you forever. Everyone should walk out of that hospital with their baby in their arms. It's almost painful, even shameful, to have press on when you know loved ones are suffering somewhere. So, for as long as you can . . . please pray for little Bronson, that he can be made whole. Pray for Sara and her family that they may find comfort and peace.

Sara is sharing updates on her blog.

Ode to Gavin

Gavin is going to turn three in just over a month. And, that's so hard to comprehend. It doesn't seem too long ago that the adventure began - everything is still very fresh in my mind. But, I think an even bigger factor is that the fact that Gavin has always seemed younger than he is. You would expect a little boy of almost three to be running all around the house causing mischief. Gavin's mischief is all vocal. He has basically one volume - super loud. And, he's quite witty, always laughing at himself and asking, "that make you laugh?"

It's typically hard to keep a toddler contained. But, Gavin is not your typical toddler.

We strive to enable Gavin to do all the things you would expect a little boy to do. But, it's much harder than you might expect. You can't help but feel flat out mean when you confine him to a stroller for a whole afternoon out. I have somehow come to terms with the disgusting floors that he crawls across. And, it's not the multiples of pants that he goes through crawling across the ground (sometimes a new pair in one day) - it's the knees underneath that can't be easily replaced with $10. I too often feel as though I have become the ironic obstacle to his physical progression.

At the playground, he's slowly moved from being an inquisitive child at the slide to a shy little boy on the sidelines. And, it's heart-breaking. Even at a McDonald's Playland, kids trample him and then he sits out.

So, we continue to struggle to know what is best and how to make life 'normal' for a very special little boy.

Autumn's First Day of School . . . Sept 2009

In Canada, junior kindergarten starts when you are four. So, little Autumn started public school a whole year earlier than I was prepared for . . . bus and all. As soon as we moved to Toronto, she began a preschool program in the fall. With a year of preschool under her belt, she was so excited to start elementary school. Her favorite little friend from preschool, Alita, rides the bus with her to and from the morning session even though they are in different classes. Ms. Shin is her teacher - and Autumn loves her and so do we. She's the youngest of the kindergarten teachers - and definitely has the most positive, laid-back attitude of the bunch. So, we have been very lucky.

Kindergarten students have a staggered start and they didn't assign Autumn her date until the day before. So, we counted down the days to her first day of school . . . and then added a day . . . and another . . . and then another day. She finally started school on a Friday.

She allowed me to actually fix her hair - just a little (since she STILL says Becky is the only one who can fix her hair . . . although we made the link by wearing a bow of Bree's that we somehow ended up with in our suitcase after a visit to Utah). And, I can say that her first day of school has been the ONLY day I have been allowed to fix her hair since. My little girl is a fan of wearing her hair down and straight.

We took her picture and then the whole family took her to school for her big day. And, we were all together when we picked her up, too . . . ready to celebrate with the first ever "First Day of School" cake . . . an official new Peterson tradition. Jeff and I put together a little bag of goodies for her each of her first few days - Smarties (the Canadian kind), pencils, the whole works. And, she used the backpack that Grandma Ranson gave her last Christmas.

The buses began running the next week. And, somehow, putting our little baby girl on a big yellow bus all alone was far harder than I was expecting.

She was so shy and sweet standing in line waiting. And, she looked too small to be getting on the bus. Her little brother was pedaling around on his trike - taking it all in.

Autumn has strong opinions about picking out her own clothes - and wanted a dress and her fancy shoes. And, I'm a big supporter of letting her wear what she wants. This is a battle that I won't fight. She insisted on wearing those fancy shoes daily until her teacher encouraged her to try tennis shoes on gym days.

I, unfortunately, was the only Mom crying at the bus stop. Right before this picture, she flashed the sign for "I Love you" - something we always do whenever we leave each other. And, well . . . it's something I hope I never forget. Kids grow up far too fast.

It's funny that you can see me in the reflection . . . trying to be a big girl for my little girl.

And, now, she's already starting to read and has been bumped up to Senior Kindergarten for all of her activities. Our spit-fire, fearless little girl . . . we couldn't be more proud.

J'adore Paris

It's still hard to believe that Jeff and I went to Europe together this summer. Going to England and France was just something we talked about doing one day when the kids were older . . . it was a distant dream. I am so lucky I have a job (and lots of Sky Miles) that helped make it a reality. Finally . . . here's some of the proof.

After the meetings in Munich, all of the Ancestry country leads then flew back to London for an International team meeting. Jeff met me there. Unfortunately, I worked late into the night he arrived and we took the 5am train to Paris (the front desk asked multiple times to confirm that we were calling at 1:30 in the morning for a wake-up call just 2 1/2 hours later). We spent a fabulous weekend in Paris and then took two trains directly to Bath, in the heart of the Cotswolds. I'll provide more of the details, but for now I'm beginning with Paris.

If you've never been to Paris, and you want to know if you might like it . . . don't ask Jeff. I, on the other hand, knew as soon as we surfaced from the underground train station that I was going to LOVE Paris. I adore the beautiful old buildings that don't have straight walls, the bread and stinky cheese, the sexy women and their gorgeous clothes, the people that come out in droves to line the banks of the Seine with their picnic baskets, and the attitude that you should experience life and enjoy friends in the afternoons.

Sitting in the grass, watching the sun go down behind the Eiffel Tower had to be one of the most amazing things I have experienced. But, that's me . . . not to diminish my Paris experiences in the least . . . but, me loving Paris is similar to me loving sporting events and concerts. I thrive when I am surrounded by carefree people that are enjoying the moment. Those are the moments where I long to live. I love Paris.

Every night, people gathered to play the guitar, drink wine, and hang out with friends.

We took a boat cruise down the Seine to celebrate our anniversary. The timing was perfect. The sun set as we were on the boat.

Notre Dame was absolutely beautiful. My friend, Janell, told me that some of the most beautiful places in Europe were cathedrals and cemeteries. She was right. The details are stunning.

Jeff loved this sculpture with the man holding his own head. This one's for you, babe.

The Louvre. We were randomly flipping through a travel book early one Sunday morning and saw a note that said the Louvre offered free admission on the first Sunday every month. So, we were able to justify breezing in to just catch a glimpse of the Mona Lisa and Venus de Milo - although we still had to walk a few miles and dedicate a few hours. The Louvre is massive.

We passed this poor little car every day. It never moved. It couldn't.

On the hour, every hour starting at dusk, the Eiffel Tower lights up for 10 minutes or so. That was my favorite part. It mixed my love for Christmas lights with Paris.

We met up with my friend, Mike, and his mom for dinner one afternoon as they were visiting Paris. Mike and I were friends in the MBA program and have worked together now for five years. It was really fun to experience a Parisian night all together.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

Nothing like a trip down memory lane . . . made possible by new memory added to our Mac. After months and months of not being able to download or upload pictures, it's amazing what 2 GB of memory can do for a computer with 30,000 pictures stored already.

In June, we had an Ancestry global summit in Munich. All the country and marketing leads had two days of long meetings with the Executive team. I know the pictures make it seem like it's one big party . . . but, I guarantee (as much for my family as anyone), we work around the clock. I didn't include pictures of the sweltering hot conference rooms or the disgusting bottled water . . . although I do wish I had photos of the hotel room. It was one of the nicest and most modern places I've ever stayed.


Despite me missing my family and hating to fly, I still feel so lucky every time I get to travel. And, a few of us are hard-core and try to cram as much fun as we can into a few days.


A view from the top of a huge hill we climbed after visiting the BMW Museum.




The park made for the 1972 Olympics.

I couldn't go to Munich without a visit to the famous Hofbrauhaus Munchen.

Those are giant-sized pretzels in her box. Yummmm.

I was able to arrive a day and a half before the meetings began - allowing for some sight-seeing around Munich and a day-trip to Salzburg, Austria - one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. Salzburg was the home of the Von Trapp Family, made famous by 'The Sound of Music', as well as Mozart. So, I was super excited. The day was so rainy and dismal - but, I was traveling with some of my favorite people from work - and, everyone had a great attitude.

The last night of the conference we went out to dinner. Janell (on the right) and I are the only non-drinkers. So, it makes for real entertainment for us. And, my illustrious boss is in the middle.

This picture was taken at 3am in a bar in Munich. Honestly, it was so much fun. It's not often that I get to go dancing anymore. Julie, who works with me in Toronto, is on the far right.

Munich was an adventure. I wish I could have spent more time there . . . and I definitely am still regretting that I never ate a pretzel or a schnitzel (unfortunately, my fun-loving friends are not adventurous eaters . . . so, sadly, we ate German "Italian food" several meals).

To Stay or To Go

That is the question . . .

Our landlord called to let us know that he'd be coming through the house on Saturday with his real estate agent. He plans to put the house on the market on May 1st - and wants us out by April 30th. Putting aside the fact that our lease doesn't end until June and we have a three month extension option after that . . . it still now presents us with an added complication to our decision of whether or not to stay in Canada for year #3.


If we stay . . .

We will likely - according to Canadian law, our lease, and common sense - not have to move out before our lease ends in June . . . at a minimum. And, yes, he's pretty much a jerk for even putting us in this position. And, yes, we're going to have to involve lawyers. Annoying.

But, it still means that if we decide to stay another year, we still have to pack up everything we own, find another appropriate rental home - preferably allowing both kids to continue attending their same schools - and move again . . . for just one year.

On the other hand, staying is the only real job security we have. Moving back home means that I hire and train my replacement before we return to Utah - and then I don't manage the Canadian market anymore. So strange. My business - as stressful as it can be - is my little world. It's my baby. I started the website and have managed it since. I doubled the sales in less than four years. I have worked incredibly hard - and definitely too much. Nevertheless, for better or for worse, I can't imagine not doing this job.


If we go . . .

The 'adventure' ends and we move back home. We then are faced with a series of decisions. First, are we actually moving back into our house (assuming it has not been destroyed by the renters) or trying to find another house to move to directly? Of course . . . see section above on 'job security'.

Buying another home is much more scary when you aren't exactly sure what job you will have. And, yes . . . I know that most people don't have 100% job security at any time. I do understand that. But, if you don't know much about me . . . I am very conservative and risk-averse when it comes to money . . . and that factors in heavily here.

Looking for a job in Utah while I live in Canada would be incredibly difficult. I don't want to have to think about hiring, training, moving and job-hunting at the same time (plus two kids and a husband). And, it is very likely that I will have a position with my company when I return. What that will be? That's a great question. All senior marketing staff are in San Francisco now. And, moving there isn't really an option for us (or at least Jeff). I can do a lot of things . . . but, I would ideally like to factor in job satisfaction, too - since it doesn't look like I'll be a stay-at-home mom anytime soon. And, if I were to find another company . . . I would potentially face a long commute. Ancestry is the closest company you can find out of Provo Canyon and there are not many options in Park City either. Anywhere else and I'll be traveling at least 45 minutes.

Then there's the vital question of Gavin's medical care. I am definitely not making commentary here on universal healthcare versus the US system. I will leave that debate entirely for another day. I am, however, hesitant to 'go back'. To clarify . . . I don't want Gavin's progress to be delayed for a split second. I don't want to have to convince (or re-convince) a group of therapists that Gavin's potential far exceeded the perceptual limitations that they had established for him initially. I do love that there is an entire hospital here (and even an elementary school) dedicated to rehabilitation and treatment for children with special needs. That's pretty incredible.

And, there are a million other considerations. Is baby #3 a possibility? When? Where? Yes, we think about it all the time.

And, I haven't even addressed proximity to family and friends. There's nothing like being back home. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such amazing friends . . . and people that still support us and love us. Oh how I miss you all. But, after a year in Toronto, we've made some great friendships here. After two years, it will be that much harder. Change is never easy.

We'll be able to drive to Colorado again from Heber . . . but, we are actually in driving distance to Virginia out here. And, the road actually traveled both ways one time (ahem . . . yes, Mom and Dad, we'd like you to come visit again).

There's the beach in Toronto - the one thing I miss in Utah. But, there are mountains in Utah. I can't live without them.

When did we grow up and have to make such adult decisions?

I won't go on . . . but, there's the story. We've been praying to know what we should be doing and where we should be.

All ideas are welcome :)